took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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