i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's official drugs can't kill me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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