11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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