So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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