I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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