I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
