hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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