So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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