i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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