At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
