I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
