I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
