he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize