sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
