im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
