Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
