it wasn't lemon gatorade
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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