**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
