I cannot find my penis.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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