i can't believe i had my finger in that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
