I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize