Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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