I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
foreskin is a definite game changer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
