She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
