whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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