if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
