Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were destined to go to rehab together
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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