$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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