No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize