So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize