Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
