11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
