in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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