I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
