she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
