He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
