Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
