Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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