not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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