I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize