i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
