Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
