the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
