worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
