I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
