My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
