I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The power of my boobs compel you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
