Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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