so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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