i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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