is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
