i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
