I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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