Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
