R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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