You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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