i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have fence marks all over my body
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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