He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
