his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
