I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
