he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
