I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
