I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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