She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
