fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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